No Parent Left Behind

The development of trusting relationships with parents must be intentional, and can significantly enhance their student's success.  Following are 13 practical and invitational tips for teachers and administrators (that I have used or abused over the years as an educator and parent :-) to improve the effectiveness and efficiency of parent conferences.

1. Meet with the parent at their convenience if at all possible.
• Try to respect the schedules of waiting or working parents when feasible. 
2. Avoid assuming the outcome of the meeting before it ever takes place.
• Often negative and/or past experiences can cloud our judgement or unfairly lower our expectations. 
3. Be prepared for the conference.
• Know the student's name, parent's name, reason for the conference, performance of the student, situation at home ... and gather any available data to support. 
4. Welcome the parent and greet them with a smile (and thank them for attending).
• Our non-verbal communication speaks loudly about our attitude toward the conference.
5. Avoid overwhelming the parent(s) with too many staff members present (when possible).
• Parents often feel outnumbered, intimidated, and undervalued by large numbers of school staff. 
6. Relax and LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN!
• Our anxiety often causes us to dominate the conversation, assume intent, and never clearly hear or understand the parent's concern or perspective.  There is much dignity in being heard. 
7. Always begin the school's response with some positive statements that all present can agree upon.
• Four examples are validating the parent's time and support of their child, recognizing strengths of the child, emphasizing agreement by all to work together in the best interest of the child, and mentioning that some (or all) staff members in the room share the role of parents as well. 
8. The "my child" test helps all staff involved to keep the best interest of the child in focus.
• In other words, how would I want the school to respond if this situation involved my child? (This will not help without authentic empathy.)
9. Avoid using educational jargon or acronyms that may confuse parents.
• The goal of the conference is not to impress or isolate the parent, but rather to involve and inform the parent while reaching consensus in the best interest of their child. 
10. Avoid offering parental judgements or suggestions until they ask for our help.
• The parent(s) may be doing the best they can in their current situation, and such advisement may be better offered (and received) in a separate, one-on-one setting. 
11. Agree to disagree when an impasse is reached. 
• Often small roadblocks in the conference can become major obstacles that sadly are more about the adults in the room ... and less about the student's welfare or addressing the primary issue. 
12. On those rare occasions when a conference becomes volatile, we have two choices.
• First is to calmly remind and redirect all involved that we are all here in the best interest of the student. If that consensus remains difficult or doubtful, the conference can respectfully be ended (often by an administrator)... to hopefully resume at a later date when emotions have settled. 
13. When the answer to the parent is NO, take time to respectfully and clearly explain (to the parents) the policy or professional judgement behind the decision. 
• Many parents may be unaware of district or state guidelines ... or may trust the experience of those in the room ... if we are willing to take the time to earn that trust.